This is a transcript for The New Looney Tunes Show season 1, episode 7c "Win, Lose or PUNISHMENT".
Fade in. Interior: Acme Theater, Acme Acres, California. The game show Win, Lose or PUNISHMENT is ready to start.
- Announcer: Today on Win, Lose, or PUNISHMENT. We have lots of contestants who are willing to take home the gold. And anyone who will answer all of these questions in the audience will win a dump truck full of valuable prizes.
The camera turns to Sylvester.
- Announcer: Sylvester Pussycat! Get on down here!
- Sylvester: Sufferin' succotash! Seriously? (smiles) Oh, well. It's my time to shine (laughs).
- Announcer: Just come on down.
- Sylvester: Alright. I'm coming.
The camera focuses on Wile E. Coyote.
- Announcer: Wile E. Coyote...
- Wile E.: You forgot the words super genius.
- Announcer: Well, this isn't the desert. And I'm not the Road Runner. Just come on down.
The camera focuses on Pepé Le Pew.
- Announcer: Pepé Le Pew. It's also your turn to play.
- Pepé: Mon Dieu, zis eez a honor.
The camera focuses on the Warners.
- Announcer: Yakko, Wakko and Dot Warner. Get on the stage.
- Yakko: Whoa. Are you serious?
- Wakko: It's our turn to play?
- Dot: The three of us?
- Warners: (in unison) Together?
- Announcer: Well. You are siblings. It would be shameful to split you three.
The camera focuses on Slappy Squirrel.
- Announcer: Slappy Squirrel. You have been chosen to go with the rest of them.
- Slappy: Wish me luck, Skippy.
- Skippy: Good luck, Aunt Slappy.
The camera focuses on Papa Bear, who hits Junior.
- Announcer: Henry Bear, stop hitting Junior, because you will play this round.
- Henry: You're not the boss on me.
- Mama Bear: Henry. You're on live TV. Do you want to make yourself look bad?
- Henry: What the...?! Oh, sorry. I'm coming.
The camera focuses on Barnyard Dawg.
- Announcer: Barnyard Dawg, if Foghorn or Henery aren't bothering you, you should be here.
- Barnyard: Okay, I'm coming right now (Foghorn puts his foot in front of Barnyard, making him to fall, laughs heard).
- Foghorn: I say, that dog deserved it.
- Barnyard: Ow, my head.
The camera focuses on Sniffles, who is talking with (and annoying) Porky and Petunia.
- Sniffles: Mr. Porky, Mrs. Petunia, it's your first time here? It's because it's my first time here and I hope to be chosen on the next time. I studied too much to win this game show and my mother says that if I study hard...
- Porky: Mr. A-A-A-Anouncer!
- Petunia: Over here!
- Announcer: Sniffles, it's your turn to come in.
- Sniffles: Thank you, sir.
The camera focuses on Montana Max, who takes a lollipop from the infant next to him.
- Announcer: Montana Max, come on down!
The infant cries as Monty licks his lollipop. Monty then sticks the lollipop in the infant's mouth.
- Monty: Out of my way, peasants!
Monty runs past several people in the audience.
- Audience Member #1: Ow!
- Audience Member #2: Hey!
- Audience Member #3: Eek!
The camera focuses on Babs Bunny.
- Announcer: Babs Bunny, hop on down!
- Babs: Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah! (to the viewers) I'm excited.
Babs continues screaming in delight as she runs towards the stage.
- Babs: You like me, you really like me.
- Announcer: Only one of these 12 contestants will be the big winner on... (the word WIN is above Babs) Win... (the word LOSE is added above Montana Max) ...Lose... (the word OR is added above Wile E.) ...or...
- Audience: Punishment!
The word PUNISHMENT flies in and hits Wile E. in the head. Wile E. turns his head around and the word PUNISHMENT explodes in his face, turning his head upside down.
- Wile E.: Anybody got a band-aid?
- Barnyard: I believe I have one.
The camera focuses on a set of curtains.
- Announcer: And now, here's the host of our show, Claude Cat!
The curtains open, revealing Claude Cat with a tuxedo.
- Claude: (laughs) Hi there, fun lovers! Well, we have some fabulous contestants still standing. (he turns to Babs) Hi there, young lady, tell us your name and what you do.
- Babs: My name is Babs Bunny, and I do... Emma Stone.
The audience laughs.
- Claude: (laughs) That's marvelous, Babs. (he turns to Monty) And what's your name, Son, and what do you do?
- Monty: My name's Montana Max and I win. (he pulls out a stack of cans of sardines) Get it?
Claude's eyes turn into fish.
- Claude: Got it.
- Monty: Good! This is for you two and that gentleman (referring to Wile E.) over there.
He gives a bag of cans of tuna to Sylvester, a bag of fragrances, flowers and chocolates to Pepé and a bag of money to Wile E.
- Claude: (as he clears his throat and hides Monty's sardines) Yes, and now, it's time to play our game!
The camera focuses on Babs, Sylvester, Wile E., Pepé, Slappy, the Warners, Barnyard, Sniffles, Henry and Monty.
- Babs: Well, good luck. There's nothing like a fair fight, is there?
Babs prepares to shake hands with Monty.
- Monty: (as he pulls his hand away from Babs') Yeah, and this is gonna be nothing like a fair fight!
The camera focuses on Claude, who is looking through the bag of sardine cans Monty gave him earlier. Claude then looks at the camera and hides the bag again.
- Claude: Oh! And, um... here's the first question!
The camera cuts back to Babs, Sylvester, Wile E., Pepé, Slappy, the Warners, Barnyard, Sniffles, Henry and Monty, preparing to press their buzzers. Yakko presses his buzzer.
- Yakko: Isaac Newton.
- Claude: Excuse me, but... (Wakko presses his buzzer)
- Wakko: Isaac Newton.
- Claude: Well, don't want you to wait for the question? (Dot presses her buzzer)
- Dot: No.
- Claude: Well, now listen up! Who was the first President?
Babs presses her buzzer.
- Babs: George Washington!
- Claude: That's absolutely...
Before Claude can continue, Monty holds another pile of fish cans in front of him, running his fingers through it.
- Claude: ...wrong! (the buzzer buzzes) Uh, you didn't let me finish, Babs. The complete question was "Who was the first President of... uh... the Netherlands?".
- Barnyard: What?! That's unfair! (an anvil falls on him, Sylvester, Pepé and Wile E. laugh)
- Monty: Nice try, carrot breath!
The camera focuses on Buster, who is sitting in the audience, reading a book called History of Europe.
- Buster: The Netherlands don't even have a president! Something tells me this game is rigged!
Pete Puma appears sit next to Buster.
- Pete: You're right. I was part of the show, but they fired me for being too stupid.
The camera focuses back on Claude and Babs.
- Claude: We-hell, you know what happens when somebody give a wrong answer on Win, Lose, or...
- Audience: Punishment!
- Babs: How did I know they were going to say that? (a pile of spaghetti falls on her and the other constestants, except for Monty) What? No meatballs? (some meatballs fall on her and the other constestants, except Monty) I had to ask.
- Wakko: (eating) Not bad. But where's the sauce? (the sauce falls on Henry) Good! (he licks Henry) Delicious.
- Claude: Now, the next question! (buzzer sounds) STOP RINGING THE BUZZER! (Wakko presses his buzzer)
- Wakko: Sorry.
Claude angrily removes the buzzers from the Warners' tables.
- Claude: Okay. You liked it? (Wakko presses his nose)
- Wakko: Yes. We liked it.
- Claude: Okay. Now, to continuing.
Monty pushes his buzzer and blows a raspberry at Babs.
- Claude: A little quick there, Max, don't you think? But here's the question: "Name the Secretary General of China from 1981 to 1987".
- Monty: Who?
- Claude: That's absolutely right! Secretary General Yow Pang Who!
- Barnyard: Again?! But that's a fake name! (a bomb falls on his head and explodes on his face) Seriously?
- Henry: That's alright. The game is a fake.
- Sniffles: You're sure, Mr. Bear? Total Drama was also fake and it was a success. Why you hate this? I like game shows. It's like...
- Babs: Hey! I smell a rotten egg! (a giant rotten egg falls on her)
- Claude: Phew! You said it, Babs. And speaking of rotten, here's a word from our sponsor!
The commercial consists of several kids looking at some sausage patties on the grill. The patties then jump onto some burger buns, then turn into anthropomorphic hot dogs.
- Weenie Burgers (singing): Weenie Burgers are so much fun to eat, if you look real hard, you might even find the meat!
The kids pick up the burgers and eat them; the hot dogs scream in pain as the WEENIE BURGERS logo is shown. The camera cuts back to the studio, where Buster is standing next to a rather stinky Babs.
- Buster: Come on, Babs, where's your gumption? Where's your spirit? (sniffs) Where's your deodorant?
- Babs: Listen, I'm not the only thing that stinks around here!
- Buster: Don't worry, Babs. We'll give him the ol' One-two and Monty will end up with eggs on his face!
As Buster and Babs run off, the camera focuses on Claude, who is eating his sardines.
- Claude: (eating) Delicious!
Before he can continue eating, Buster pulls him away with a cane. The camera cuts to Babs, who walks on stage, dressed as Vanna Pink.
- Babs: And now, here's our new host, Fink Winklebunny!
The camera cuts to Buster, who is dressed in Claude's clothes.
- Buster: Thank you, Vanna Pink!
The camera cuts back to Monty.
- Monty: Hey, what's going on?
- Buster: Uh-uh-uh! I'll ask the questions around here! Time for round 2, where the stakes are higher and the questions are tougher! Are everybody ready?
- All: Ready!
- Buster: (reading off a card) In baseball, what the umpire yell when a runner reaches home without being tagged out?
Wakko pushes his buzzer and burps.
- Babs: Disgusting.
Pepé pushes his buzzer.
- Pepé: Zat's so obvious. Eet's... (Monty shows him another bag) I forgot it.
- (reserved for DonaldoC1997; this extra dialogue for the other constestants)
Monty is about to answer the question, but before he can, Buster places a lid over him and hits it with a hammer repeatedly.
- Buster: Time's up!
- Monty: But I was going to say "safe"!
The camera cuts to Buster.
- Buster: You got it!
Buster pushes a button. The camera cuts to Monty, Sylvester and Wile E., who get hit by a 12-ton safe that falls on them, while Pepé goes away, chasing Penelope. Babs walks towards the safe.
- Buster: Vanna, tell him what he's been punished with!
- Babs: (as Monty dizzily walks out of the safe) Well, Fink, it's a 12-ton Acme safe! Yes, attractive, affordable and guaranteed to squash you flat as a bug! Acme, for 50 years, the leader in creative mayhem.
- Barnyard: After all, cheaters don't win.
- Foghorn: (on the audience; offscreen) Ahh, shut up! (he torrows him a tomato)
Monty walks angrily towards Buster.
- Monty: Hey, what's going on here?
- Buster: You're winning!
- Monty: I am?
- Buster: Yes, yes, yes! And you can double your points by answering this question!
The camera cuts to Babs standing next to a picture of Yosemite Sam. Below the picture are the words YOSEMITE SAM with the "I"s and "E"s missing.
- Buster: Two letters are missing from the name of this famous cartoon character.
The camera cuts back to Buster and Monty. Buster is holding a rope.
- Buster: For 50 points, what are the two missing letters?
Buster pulls the rope, which activates a trap door, which Monty falls down.
- Monty: Aiee!
- Buster: That's absolutely right!
The camera cuts back to Babs, who adds the missing letters to the puzzle.
- Buster: The missing letters are 'I', 'E'!
The camera cuts back to Buster. Monty lands next to him for an inexplicable reason.
- Buster: Well, Max, you're our big winner! What do you have to say for yourself?
- Monty: (wearily) Where am I?
- Buster: You're on Win, Lose, or...
- Audience: Punishment!
A 16-ton weight falls on Monty, then is lifted back up. The audience claps and cheers.
- Monty: No, stop! I didn't really win! I cheated! I'll never go on another game show as long as I live!
Babs shows up next to Monty.
- Buster: (giggles) Well, it just goes to show you, you can't cheat two honest rabbits!
Buster and Babs remove their fags, revealing their rabbit ears.
- Babs: Yeah!
- Monty: Uh-oh!
The spaghetti, the rotten egg, the safe and the 16 ton weight all fall on Monty. Sylvester, Pepé and Wile E. turn up to Monty.
- Sylvester: Hey, you little brat.
- Monty: What do you want, pussycat?
- Pepé: Vous made nous making a mauvaise figure on TV.
- Wile E.: And now you'll pay it.
- Monty: Uh-oh!
Sylvester, Pepé and Wile E. start to chase Monty. The camera cuts back to Buster and Babs. Claude shows up on stage, tied up.
- Claude: Hey, wait a minute! This is my show!
- Buster: And you're just in time to give our audience an important message!
- Claude: Am I?
- Buster: Yeah!
Buster backs up as a giant weight that says THE END to fall on Claude. The cartoon irises out on it and the credits roll.