This is a transcript for The New Looney Tunes Show season 1, episode 26 "Weekday Afternoon Live".
Fade in. Interior: Warner Bros. Studio Lot, Burbank, California. Daffy Duck enters Bugs Bunny's dressing room.
- Daffy: You're ready for tonight, pal?
- Bugs: Not yet, Daffy. I'm still a bit nervous with tonight's guests.
- Daffy: Why? Just because are stars from a cable adult animated series?
- Bugs: Exactly, doc. And our show doesn't allow swearing. We have to keep our eye on them.
Buster, Babs and the Warners heard their conversation and they enter.
- Dot: Do you have fear of the stage, Mr. Bugs?
- Bugs: No, Dot. We're getting some special guests for this edition. And they're a bit wackier than you three.
- Wakko: That's impossible. Nobody's zanier than me.
- Daffy: Wakko, they're zanier on a different manner.
- Babs: (dressed as a police officer) Tough guys, huh? I'll take care of this.
- Buster: Calm down, Babs. Save your impressions for the show.
- Bugs: Well, I'm ready. When the show begins, we're going to talk with them.
Lola comes in.
- Lola: Thank heavens, I finally found you, Bugsy.
- Bugs: Ehh... (munches a carrot) what's up, girl?
- Daffy: That's the good-natured Bugs I know.
- Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Well said it, Mr. Daffy.
- Lola: The guests are already on the theater and the show will start in a few minutes. Ready?
- Bugs: (joking) Of course... doll.
- Lola: (angry) Doll? Again?
- Bugs: Yikes!
Daffy turns to Bugs.
- Daffy: Smooth move, hare-lax.
- Bugs: Let's go!
All the cast go to the stage, then the Announcer introduces the special.
- Announcer: Live from the Warner Bros. Studio Lot in Burbank, California, it's the Looney Tunes' Weekday Afternoon Live, starring Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck (Daffy: You're desthpicable), Porky Pig, Sylvester, Tweety, Lola Bunny, Tina Russo, Petunia Pig, Sylvia, Aoogah, the Warner Siblings (Yakko: I'm Yakko! Wakko: I'm Wakko! Dot: ... and I'm cute), Babs Bunny, Buster Bunny (Both: No relation), Plucky Duck and Hamton J. Pig. Featuring Wile E. Coyote and the Weekday Afternoon Live band! Also featuring some other people that might not even appear on the show at all! And here's tonight's guest stars, the West Lawn cast: Sherman Lewis (Sherman Lewis: Hi), Petunia Smith (Petunia Smith: Hello), William van Fuddy (William van Fuddy: Ah, f*** you, you a******), Sally Freleng (Sally Freleng: Hmmm-hmmm) and Woody Moley (Woody Moley: Good morning, my father forced me. He said me "If you don't go to this f****** show, wuh you're grounded, Mister". I hate when he grounds me).
The camera focuses on Bugs and Daffy.
- Bugs: Ehh... what's up, doc? I'm Bugs Bunny.
- Daffy: And I'm Daffy Duck. Tonight's guests, which is weird to say when the show is named Weekday Afternoon Live, but airs on Saturday on prime-time, are from a well-known television show that airs on Comedy Channel.
The camera focuses on Porky.
- Porky: Let's give our a-a-a-aplause to the West Lawn cast.
An arrangement of Uncle F**** plays and the characters come to the stage.
- Petunia Smith: You're such a f*****, William!
- William van Fuddy: Oh yeah?! Well, you're a stupid jew!
- Sherman Lewis: Shut up, you motherf*****!
- Sally Freleng: Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm!
- Woody Moley: Guys, please! We're on a children's show.
The camera focuses on Bugs, who begins talking with the six kids.
- Bugs: Listen, doc. Our show is too different from yours. While at your show, you need to curse to get a laugh, we get the laughs here with slapstick and anvils.
- William van Fuddy: Why the f*** did you invite us?!
- Daffy: Language, young man. Our original plan was to get Stephen Colbert to host this episode, but the morons at Warner Bros. said no.
- Porky: It could b-b-b-be worst. Warner Bros. wanted the Teen Titans to be today's g-g-g-guests.
The camera focuses on Bugs and Daffy.
- Bugs: Well, we're going to begin the show.
- Daffy: After this commercial, we're gonna show the first part of The Adventures of Porky and Petunia.
- Porky: So, don't g-g-g-go away.
- Sherman Lewis, Petunia Smith, William van Fuddy, Sally Freleng and Woody Moley: We hope you like our show.
The show goes for a break. The camera focuses on William.
- William van Fuddy: This monologue smelled like my a**.
- Sylvester: Sufferin' succotash, is that how your mother raised you?
- Woody Moley: Mr. Pussycat, his mom is a total b****. She even did an adult film in Germany.
- William van Fuddy: Shut up, Woody. Remember that your father is a f**.
- Tweety: Eww, that's completely disgusting.
- Petunia: Guys, stop arguing because we'll returning to air in a few moments.
- William van Fuddy: No, no, no, no, no, madam. This is how it works: s**** you, guys, I'm going home.
- Tina: You're not going home until this episode ends, young mister. We're going back to air with the FFC commercial in 3... 2... 1...
- William van Fuddy: Oh, s***!
The screen fades to black.
Foghorn's Fried Chicken commercialEdit
Fades to the farm where Foghorn and Barnyard live, with both appearing on it. Barnyard is trying to find food.
- Foghorn: I say, dog, what are you doing?
- Barnyard: Isn't that obvious, I'm searching something to eat.
- Foghorn: Thank God, I say, that chickenhawk isn't here. If you want something good to eat, go to Foghorn's Fried Chicken. (shows a footage of FFC products) It's the only place where you can eat that finger-licking good chicken with twelve spices. (goes back to the farm) You see, son, you don't need to go too far to have a delicious meal.
- Barnyard: But aren't you promoting cannibalism?
- Foghorn: (confused) Now that you said it... I need to talk with my agent (goes away).
Fades to the FFC logo.
- Announcer: Foghorn's Fried Chicken, it's finger-licking good. Unless you're a chicken.
The commercial ends.